I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
