careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
