so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
