I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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