Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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