just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
