Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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