I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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