i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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