All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
