Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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