Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
