so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
