are you still at the devil's house?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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