Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
