Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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