well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
