A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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