I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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