I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
