I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize