Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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