You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
