You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Send help, water and tortillas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
