Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
