Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
