he puts the penis in happiness.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
