Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
