smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You are the jesus of drinking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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