Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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