Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
