if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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