I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize