Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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