If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize