Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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