Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
