i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
