Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
