He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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