Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
