His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
