Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
