Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
