His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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