You can't motorboat a personality
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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