I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize