update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize