Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
