so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
