If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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