Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
