eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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