i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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