I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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