You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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