ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
