Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Randomize
