Only a mothe r could love this liver
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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