Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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