i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
