When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
