and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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