Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
