how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
