I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize