i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
