just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
