its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
