direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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