I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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