my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found the puke drawer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
