Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
